Question by Chris O: How to not be a bootycall and get exbf back? I need some advice.?
My exbf only wants to be no strings now. I’ve made huge mistakes with him not having ever dated anyone for 22 years prior to my marriage. I didn’t know right from wrong. I want him to see me as he did when we met as ‘valuable’ again. I have been reading a relationship therapist book and it says “not to sleep with your ex if you want to get him back.” Now, I have already done this with him. He’s broken up with me, come back so many times I’ve lost track. But he is into the ‘lifestyle’. Sleeps around with couples, other women and has openly told me about it. I know he left me because I pushed for a committed relationship too soon. He did love me at one point, but I pressured him for a commitment and he broke up with me. He came back a second time, but I asked him if it was just a bootycall or because he really did love me and he said ‘both.’ I’m a fool to have slept with him again, my intuition knew better. But I did it anyways. We since had done two threesomes together, both MFM and FMF, me thinking it would make our relationship stronger only for him to breakup with me and him say that he only wants to be No Strings with me now. He said he wanted his freedom and is enjoying the ‘lifestyle.’ But since then, we still have met, but we had a fight, which is why he has put me in a no strings category. We haven’t talked for more than a week because he was angry and needed to be ‘distant’. During this time, I felt I needed to reach out for relationship help for my sanity but also to know what I did wrong in the relationship and now I know what I did wrong and want to fix it, follow the steps needed to win him back. But now, a week later, he texted me saying the guy we threesomed with wants to threesome with me again. According to my relationship therapy book, I am not to have any sex no matter if he asks for it if I want to get him back. That I am to wait for the exbf to contact me and when he does, I’m to have “nice, short 10 minute conversations with him.” But I’m to keep it light with him.
My question is: How do I answer him back (I haven’t replied to his text back yet) and be Nice about a threesome bootycall when I am to turn it down? How do I turn it down without him getting angry and still hope to get him back? He paid for the room last time, this other guy offered to cover the room this time. Will he be mad that I’m turning it down too because now, he wont be able to have sex with me on the other guys dime? None of this is covered in the therapy book. I want to do the right thing and have him see me as valuable like he once did. I think deep down, he does care about me or if he wanted to write me completely off, he would have long ago. I know, because when we broke up the second time, I said I would look for another man and he seemed jealous. I want him to see me the way he once did, not a piece of meat for a bootycall anymore. According to the book, in time, it is possible if I dont sleep with him. Does anyone out there know how I should respond to him and keep it nice without making him angry but still keep his interest in me? Help!!!!
I just want advice as to “how I should answer.” I am trying to save this, not leave. I’m not ready to move on.
Can I get some feedback from the fellas? I’d like to hear from the men too.
Best answer:
Answer by Robin W
I didn’t even have to read the whole thing. Ditch the guy for good. Ignore the booty calls. The only feelings he has for you are sexual ones. You cannot trust him. Have a little self respect and get rid of the jerk.
Know better? Leave your own answer in the comments!
Tags: Need, advice, some